Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Did She Fall Down And Crack Her Bob On The Pavement

As reported via Radar Online, Met Ball Chairperson and Vogue Empress Anna Wintour expressly excluded Kim Kardashian from the annual Costume Institute Gala, specifically prohibiting The Marriage Counselor star’s purchase of a $25,000 ticket, while permitting Kate Upton’s purchase of a ticket.

While E News, courtesy a source whose initial husband I’ll assume once represented O.J. Simpson, asserted a previous engagement compelled Kim’s absence, I believe Radar given this pair of obvious realities: Kim has appeared upon the covers of Allure, Cosmo, Glamour, Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, People, People Style Watch, Self, Shape, Us Weekly, never Vogue. Why?

Why has Anna Wintour remained silent? If Radar’s account were inaccurate, the Vogue Sovereign could simply placate Kardashian devotees, a fraction of whom must read Vogue, with thirty-three words: Kim Kardashian was not excluded from the Costume Institute Gala. Vogue recognizes and appreciates Kim’s contributions to charity, fashion, and popular culture and we hope for collaboration with Kim and her family soon.
A third and most perplexing question: Why would Kim Kardashian; Keeping Up With The Kardashians and Kourtney and Kim Take New York star; K-Dash and Kardashian designer; Virgin, Saints, and Angels collaborator; Shoe Dazzle architect; the eighth most followed person upon twitter; be excluded and her money refused, while Anna Wintour accepts someone whose sole “accomplishments” are a rumored relationship with an inadequate quarterback, an unattractive magazine cover, and a video game commercial whose target audience is frat sleaze who spend their hours between keg stands and sessions of MLB 2K12 consuming porn.

Compare Kim and Kate and seriously anyone who has ever read one sentence within Diabetes magazine could make this decision.

While Kim K rocks a must have red tribal mini which she could easily transition onto a red carpet, Kate teeters in a dress no doubt fished from some tragic Casual Corner's clearance bin and a lopsided trench which would be better served as my grandmother's muumuu.

Kim exudes mysterious as she stealthily slinks this sumptuous frilly dress, while Kate flaunts an affectation which this evening, Lindsay Lohan sued for infringing upon her trademark I just snorted eyes and I'm sloshed wobble.

Kanye was obvi referencing wedding, yet he should be as enamored with his love's ensemble as I am. Kim is twenty carat exquisite in this form flattering white frock, which she accents with a precious clutch and earrings, while Kate's gaudy hair, inappropriately exposed boob, and protruding painted bones evoke a Blades of Glory interlude... I don't even know what this means. No one knows what it means, but it's provocative. No it's not, it's gross.

As the Quicktrim Spokesperson brandishes a sparkly mini which radiates assurance and sensuality, the Three Stooges "actress" remunerates Anna Wintour with a moment which resembles Anna Nicole Smith three months before her initial Lane Bryant campaign.

Kim, as if these comparisons are not beyond words unfair as of now, flitters from her exercise session in chic black and white accented with a tan tote, while Kate appears as sloppy as that afternoon she attempted the Dougie.

Both Kim and Kate may include Carl's Jr siren upon their resumes. However, Kate clearly must have spent two weeks eating burgers, I mean, shooting her burger commercial, while Kim flashes the fabulous results of a Cranberry Apple Walnut Chicken Salad.