Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Twelve)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

Seriously, Kate Middleton is so flawless. She defines the world beautiful. Just about six months after giving birth, she rocks a gorgeous white gown with lucid jewelry, simple, black clutch and her handsome Prince. Seriously, it just couldn't get much better than this. Perfection at its finest. Well done!

Robin Thicke, after your stupid 'Blurred Lines' video that ended up being banned from YouTube and now this grungy, homeless look, you make me realize the real truth... Blurred Vision. You are an adult, you are a parent and you are not a sixteen year old Justin Bieber. Therefore, dress and act your age. You are welcome in advance. 

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Eleven)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

Seriously. Miranda Kerr is too perfect for words. If I could be anyone, I think she would be a possible candidate. She is gorgeous, has a exotic looking face and seriously knows what the hell she is doing when it comes to fashion. Don't let this Victoria's Secret model fool you with that steamy lingerie. Miranda is one of the classiest women in the limelight in my opinion. She always looks chic, and put together. I absolutely ADORE her gorgeous, conservative, floral frock. She rocks simple jewelry, red lips and models the most luscious locks. I die for her.  

Seriously with all of the Kimye crap. I am honestly beyond words ANNOYED. Puh-lease. You all know how much I admire Kim and while I was never much a fan of Kanye (especially after the Taylor Swift incident), I am actually starting to grow on his swag. But, can we be open and talk about how terrifying both of these ensembles are. Lets be real for a minute. Kanye became famous because he is a talented music artist, right? Okay so when did "fashion designer" fall in the same category as "music, rap, singer etc." Good grief! He should have no say in Kim's wardrobe because if you focus on his, its crap. He needs to stick to his music and she needs to STOP taking his advice. Seriously, when your boyfriend is wearing more jewelry than you, you gotta problem. 

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Ten)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

Kate Hudson looks amazing while arriving in Venice, Italy. She sparkles in a polka dot mini while she ties an adorable leather belt around her waist. The white tote, appropriate and bright jewelry (love that cuff!), and sunnies are the absolute way to arrive in style in the most serene republic.

Madonna is 54 years old and she is lifting her leg and showing her crotch to the universe. That in itself is my first problem. But, if you want to get serious, lets discuss her ensemble and that horrendous hair. Perhaps, the wicked witch of the west suggested she wear that hideous "dress" and lace up boots. The hair needs to be colored and she should probably consider getting off stage before Gaga shows up and owns her. Paws up!

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Nine)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

You would think Jessica Alba might get ONE outfit wrong in the time since Les Chic, Les Chien began, but think again. Alba rocks a mint colored blouse that she styles with a leather vest and black leggings. She sports a simple necklace and earrings, carries around a neutral colored handbag and handles her main accessory, daughter Haven. Jess grips her green tea that displays her stylish and trendy two toned nails and sassy bangles.

Its been a Heartbreak Warfare for Katy Perry. She's been dumped by too many guys this year (latest candidate: John Mayer). Do you think she ever considers the fact that if all of these men are leaving her, she might be the problem. Here's a starter: YOUR WARDROBE. A leotard accompanied by a sheer cover and studded leather jacket certainly will NOT do the trick girlfriend. The hair is another massive issue. It looks like KP hasn't showered in days. Go grab yourself some organic shampoo, a CHI and some product and be on your way.

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Eight)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

So many people tell me how much I resemble Camilla Belle. I am totes going to take that as a compliment, especially after this week. I love love love her printed summer frock and adore her added matching belt that enhances her curves. She mixes funky gold earrings, a simple diamond necklace, fun bangles and a pink pastel shoulder bag while supplying the perfect touch with unique sunnies. Thank god I didn't chop off my hair last week, even better reason to look like this goddess. Amazing!

Amanda Bynes has had a rough year and it looks like she is taking it on while going all out in this miserable looking outfit. Since when was it okay to mix floral, flag print and leopard all in one. Don't forget to mention the fact she has a checker Louis Vuitton wallet and quilted black leather Chanel handbag. What went wrong? Well, everything. Nothing meshes together AT ALL. Oh Amanda, I know you're all about being funny but please lets just stick to the movies. After this, I'm not sure you'll ever be cast again.

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Seven)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

All I can think of when I see Cameron Diaz rock this supreme ensemble is Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight." I swear I am straight. But seriously, look how amazing she looks. Not only does she have one of the best bodies in Hollywood, she will be 40 on August 30 (yeah, I know! Unreal.) I love the bright and simple red orange top she sports while supplying a touch of spunk with her printed skirt. She accompanies the luxurious look with a striking yellow shoulder bag, hoop earrings and a modern bun. As Cameron's character in What Happens In Vegas replies to in response to Jack Fuller's "How hard can it be?" Joy McNally replies "I know how hard it isn't." This is exactly what her outfit speaks. Way to go Diaz!

Our sweet Pretty Little Liar star, Ashley Benson, has seriously been a disappointment these days. She got worst dressed in my "Immaculate and Unsuitable" Teen Choice Award post, and she totally gets this weeks "les chien" look. I don't favor her flat bill sports hat that she mingles with her rock 'n' roll top, skinny jeans and Tom shoes. It totally throws me off and whoever honestly thought it was okay to mix sports and rock 'n' roll was seriously disturbed. I think she should consider taking some advice from her Pretty Little Liars character Hanna Martin, because honestly, she really needs it. I can only imagine what Hanna would have to say about this. Ew!

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Six)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

Khloe Kardashian-Odom dazzled in this gorgeous white dress while attending a 'Hpnotiq Harmonie' event on August 2. Sporting her luscious dark locks and fab white manicure, Mrs. Odom mingled  this ultra chic and sexy look with some amazing Christian Louboutin heels. I know I have mentioned before how flawless Khloe truly is, but she totally has us turning heads this week. Kim who? Bible! 

 I was pondering the idea that Lindsay Lohan could begin a new life and possibly walk down a less destructive road. But, forgive me for thinking those thoughts. After this abhorrent, offensive, and rather LARGE wardrobe malfunction, I seriously want to shed tears. How could you look at those pitiful jean shorts and think to yourself "Those are so rad, I must purchase." Instead, I look at those and think "Those are so... well, those have never been in season. How dare someone design such an upsetting pair of shorts." Lilo, please get yourself some honest help, and this time I am talking fashion!

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Five)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

Jessica Alba will always hold a special place in my heart. The girl can do no wrong. She looks hot in sweat pants for christ sake. I seriously have to admit that she may be the best dressed in Hollywood. I adore her navy blue blazer which goes perfectly with her navy, pink and yellow striped skirt. Her white tank top underneath is the perfect hue, adding a crisp and fresh taste. She accompanies the put together look with blue wedges, a yellow handbag and sassy high ponytail. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. 

I have always admired Selena Gomez for the courage and strength it has taken her to continue to be a young, modest celebrity. She has always been very appropriate and put together but also never afraid to have fun and be spunky. This personal choice in fashion has me stumped though. I realize it is the "cool" thing now to wear the low cut side shirts and expose a bandeau or bra. But, for some reason this particular outfit steers me in the wrong direction. While her bra is adorbs and I seriously want it, I can't help but think she has been dropped in a southern, hick town and tossed in a pig pen. This look has hot mess written all over it. 

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Four)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

I honestly could not decide which photo I liked best of Miranda Kerr this week. So, I made it simple and chose to feature both. While I absolutely adore the Victoria's Secret model, she looked super amazing in a flowy striped tee and jeans. Her gorgeous pink lipstick made that smile of hers even more charming and Miranda knew how to complete the look with those sassy sunnies. Earlier in the week, she dazzled in the yummy red-hot dress and bright heels. She paired a casual bun (she totes knows how to perfect one), her sunnies and shoulder bag with the ensemble. Both days, the perfect model mama had her best accessory, son Flynn, with her. 

While I have never been a fan of Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett, (her obnoxious personality and terrible taste in fashion pushed me over the edge) I really am NOT a fan of her now. I appreciate running errands in sweats or workout gear (for convenience only) but are her boobs seriously so large that a sports bra won't support her? Either it is time to honestly consider a breast reduction (she needs to be more proportioned in size anyway) or acknowledge the must to stock up on several more bras. Honey, you need some MAJ support. Lean on sexy, Miranda Kerr to assist you in some advice on how to rock a classic summer bun. The obvious states: Victoria's Secret always wins over Playboy.

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Three)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

Something about Channing Tatum screams delicious, enticing, and scrumptious. I can't even begin to explain the perfection he flaunts. Who doesn't love a man in a crisp, black dress shirt with simple gray slacks and black belt. Don't forget to admire those stunning looks; the eyes, the hair, the muscles... ;) YUM! Good work, Channing! 

Mother eff! Really Annie! I hate to toss you under the bus right now, but I'm seriously confused with your current ensemble. Please do all of us a favor and grow your hair back out. In the mean time, toss that hideous looking dress. It looks like my little cousin puked her spaghetti up all over you. So not ideal.

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week Two)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

Who doesn't love a little George Clooney! I mean really, the man is like Benjamin Button. As he ages, he gets hotter. I am a sucker for a guy anywhere near the water. I love the sun and surf style. George goes full beach babe as he works a blue linen shirt and matching blue shorts together while accompanying the look with super fab aviator sunnies. Pass me a delicious Sex On The Beach and this stud and lets get going.

While most (if not all) of us are very aware of what Demi Lovato has encountered in her life the past year and the struggles she has gone through, this outfit seriously makes me worry for her. When you are depressed or feel bad about yourself, you don't care about anything else. This ensemble has disaster and self doubt written all over it. Demi, please do not ever wear this bizarre top, umbrella styled skirt, or ugly bone inspired white necklace again. If you need help, you have asked for it before, ask again.

Les Chic, Les Chien (Week One)

Each week, I review one hundred looks, half of which induce the phonetic uh-mey-zing and half of which induce more violent vomit than the night Jake chose Vienna. With this series (translation: the cool, the rotten), you will ascertain, via my eyes, why an ensemble should spend an evening as your apparel or why an ensemble should spend an evening inside a nondescript box whose ultimate destination is the Salvation Army.

Jessica Alba absolutely enraptures me as she exquisitely melds refined; a sumptuous red dress, black and gold tote, and black heels; and rocker, a fierce leather jacket and oversized cat sunnies.

Shenae Grimes and Jessica Stroup, 9-0-2-1-Oh Hell No as the actress upon the left, who once portrayed a transient, disgusts in a shirt she obviously swiped from someone sleeping upon Third and Olive's corner, while the actress upon the right, whose next project's centerpiece is a talking bear, abhorrently pairs a top was once a Massillion-Washington junior's memento and a skirt which was once a lamp shade inside a home upon the corner of Lillian Gish Boulevard and Lincoln Way East.